Social Media and Why I Do What I Do

Social media is an interesting thing. It can be used in amazing ways and it can be used in pointless ways. What is it's purpose? I think the answer to that question depends on who you ask. That is the beauty of social media though...it can be whatever you want it to be. Many of my Facebook friends and those that have read my previous blog posts probably see that I post some stuff sometimes that may surprise you. Some stuff that may be considered controversial. Especially to my friends of the Mormon faith. You may ask things like, "Why are you posting these things? I thought you were a returned missionary? How can you support gay marriage if the church doesn't? So if you support gay marriage that obviously means you are leaving the church, right?" Hopefully I will answer these questions so you can understand more fully why I do what I do.

If you remember, it wasn't until I was almost 21 years old that I finally stopped hating myself for being gay. I stopped having suicidal thoughts. I stopped self medicating my depression with food. I finally felt alive and more human. As you have seen, it was absolutely life changing for me to accept that I was gay and that God still loved me. After I figured this all out I would look at this revelation in two different ways. The first reaction I had was anger that it took me until I was 21 to figure out that I was not a horrible, sinful, unlovable person. Of all the years of Sunday school, seminary, priesthood, sacrament meeting talks, firesides, summer camps, FHE lessons, everything, I never once heard gays talked about in any form except that acting on it was an abomination. I was just so angry that it took me so long to figure this all out. The other part of me was incredibly grateful that I figured all of this out at such an early age. I, of course, have educated myself extensively on gays in the church since that first epiphany for me and have read countless stories of some members that went most of their life with the secret that they were gay. Some even forced themselves into heterosexual marriages without ever telling their spouse. The pain they must have felt from all those years of secrecy must have been unbearable. My view on this today is yes, I am thankful I figured it out at the age of 21, but more needs to be done to educate our youth and members about this topic!

I have spent many nights on my knees praying to God to know how I can make the most out of the cards I have been dealt. I want to do the most good possible with the fact that I am gay because I definitely cannot change that fact. The action plan for me has looked different through the different stages of the life I have lived in the past three years. At this point in my life I believe, through my conversations with my Heavenly Father, that my calling right now is to educate everyone (specifically members of the Mormon church) on gays. Of course I can only speak from this one perspective, but I know that this one perspective can make a difference.

A common thought I have noticed of those that grew up in a similar situation as me is, "I must be the only gay Mormon in the whole church. No one ever talks about it so something must be wrong with me." I couldn't have been more wrong. I am still surprised at how many gay Mormons are actually out there. Just in my tiny YSA branch in Houston Texas I know of 3 people that consider themselves LGBT. I know of 4 Elders and Sisters from my mission that also identify as LGBT. Since coming out publicly, I have had countless people contact me to tell me how much my posts have helped them. Some of these people are inactive LDS members of course, but most are simple LDS members wanting to do the most they can do serve God. Some are bishops, elders quorum presidents, primary teachers, and even mission presidents. I can promise you that there is at least one LGBT person in your ward...minimum. MINIMUM! You probably won't know who that person is because it is so taboo to talk about it. Just because someone is born into the Mormon church does not make them less likely to be gay. There are 15 million members of our church. In America. as a population, 3.4 percent of adults identify as being LGBT. There are approximately 6.5 million Mormons in the US. That means (statistically speaking) there should be roughly 221,000 LGBT Mormons just in America. Wow...that is a lot more that I used to think there was. You may not believe me, but hey, it's the truth.

I have two goals with my blog and my openness in sharing things related to LGBT people. One, is to help those people that may be struggling in silence. Who are scared, depressed, alone, lost, and wishing they could find relief. I do this because if there was an Andy Young doing what I am doing now when I was a teenager, then maybe I would have been happier. Maybe I wouldn't have had to go through all those years of darkness because I would have known another active LDS member who was gay and happy and positive about their circumstance. I write this blog because it was blogs like (Gay) Mormon Guy that changed my life and encouraged me to go on a mission. If I can affect one person the same way that this one blog affected me then all of this would be worth it. The second reason I have decided to share more about my life is to educate members of the church that we (gay Mormons) do in fact exist. We are real. Gays do not have to wear high heals or party all night. We are not spawns of Satan that only think about how much drunken, gay sex we can have. There are many of us that serve alongside you at church. Half of LGBT people consider themselves Christian. We need him too. Hopefully some of the things I post will help you consider things like, "What would I do if a gay couple come to my ward and want to worship beside me? What can I do to help my children and the youth I serve know that they can talk about their sexuality without fear of being judged or condemned? How can I show my support to LGBT people while still holding true to the values I have as a Mormon?" I can say that most Mormons I have talked to have never had to think about things like that...so that is why I do what I do.

Before you freak out about the things I talk about, think about how much the church has changed over the years. I could go on and on about what the church used to teach about blacks. The things taught over the pulpit (even by our apostles) sound horrendous to us today.

If I was alive 100 years ago then I would be excommunicated for admitting that I was attracted to the same gender even if I never acted on it. The church used to teach that being gay was a learned trait (even in the famous book that most of your have read, "The Miracle of Forgiveness" by Spencer W. Kimball it says ridiculous things like pornography causes homosexuality) and it is not something that we were born with. They did all sorts of horrible things to try and change gays into straights. We are meant to question things the church teaches us. Questioning does not mean apostate.

Things have changed a lot in the treatment of gays in the last decade, but I still see so much misunderstanding and hateful comments from, specifically, members of the church (I'm not saying all members are this way. I have seen so many other members that show unconditional love and support). Most of you probably have the Articles of Faith memorized. Do you remember this one:

I am here to help foster that love and support for LGBT people. All LGBT people, the ones like me that are active in church AND the ones that have chosen to love who they are attracted to. And yes, I support gay marriage. That is another topic for another day, but know that the church may not agree with my view but the church says we are free to support gay marriage without fear of disciplinary action.

In my opinion, a lot of church culture is to try and appear perfect. Those big nasty sins are never talked about in church. Take pornography for instance. How often do you hear someone talking about their pornography addiction at church. Trust me, it's not because no one in your ward struggles with it because most male members of the church have struggled with it at one point in their life and it's never a battle that goes away completely. I think that if there was less secrecy to this problem then Satan would not have as much power to trick us into thinking we are the only ones that struggle with a problem. We would see that there is no shame to be felt in admitting this problem because we all sin. Yes, we need to feel godly sorrow for our sins but shame is from Satan. There is a lot of shame around LGBT people because we are taught to keep it hidden from the world. I believe there is power in authenticity. As I show you all of my vulnerabilities...I am strengthened and hopefully strengthen others by lettering people know they are not the only one with problems. I am open and put myself out there because I believe that I can save at least one life with this openness. Suicide is real and the more we talk about these things the less taboo they will become and the less alone people will feel.

I may put things on here that push what the cookie cutter Mormon may believe...so what! Why social media? Because it is the best way to spread my story. Stop reading what I post or unfollow me so my terrible posts will not offend you any longer. Everyone can have their own opinion though, but I really hope you have an educated opinion that comes from a Christlike thought patterns or else I might have to be mean to you if you post those things on my feed. You can absolutely disagree with me but at least know what you are talking about.

I post my blogs for a good reason. I want discussion, I want publicity (so if you think I am sharing valuable points...then share this), I want to even offend you if it causes you to wake up and realize you can be better at loving everyone around you. If this is done by pushing boundaries and taking some heat for it then so be it! But know that what this is all about for me is encouraging more love from everyone.

I love you, I love God, I love the LDS church, and I love myself (because that is one of the most important ones).

P.S. Please can you stop feeling like if I support gay marriage that I am personally insulting and attacking you and everything you believe in. You do not have to get defensive about it because I promise I am not attacking you. And yes, I know the church's stance on it so you don't have to tell me over and over again what the church is saying. I bet you that I know more about what the church is saying on this topic than you do anyways :) Okay? Thanks!