A Response to the Mormon Church's New Policy

"But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven." Matthew 19:14

Jesus loves the little children

The internet has exploded with talk of the Mormon church's new policy changes. The first change edits the definition of apostasy. The new definition adds that entering a same-sex marriage constitutes apostasy. The second change now does not allow the children of gay couples to have a baby blessing, be baptized until they are an adult, and to serve a mission they must disavow their parents relationship. To say I was shocked with this new policy is an understatement. I have seen many other people that are confused and lost in this new information. I wanted to immediately write a blog post about my thoughts on the subject but I decided that it was best for me to wait a day and read all that I can from both parties that support or reject this new policy. I can honestly say I have never been so confused about the policy of the church in my life. I simply could not understand the reason behind such a terrible new rule. I have prayed a lot so I wish now to share some of the thoughts I have had towards this touchy subject.

The church has a few arguments to support this new change that I wish to address:

1) This is ultimately to protect the children. The Mormon church believes that if they don't allow the children of gay couples to be baptized into the church that they are solving the dilemma of them having to decide if they will support their parents lifestyle or the Mormon church. This is the lamest excuse I have ever heard. Why would it make sense to bar someone from one of the essential ordinances to return to live with Heavenly Father because they don't want them to have to go through a hard time? What about all the gay couples that love the church still and want their children to grow up in this amazing gospel with all the values and lessons their children would learn?  If the child is at a Mormon church, then that means that their parent almost positively supports their decision to be there.

Sometimes I feel like people believe that just because someone is in a gay relationship that they must hate the church and no longer be a Christian. I know so many people, myself included, that don't feel that way! Gay members of the church have already been knocked down so many times. So many of us have kept getting back up. We keep coming, we keep our testimonies, and we keep hoping that even though the church doesn't support our decision to live the "gay lifestyle" that there is still truth and light to be gained from the church.

The church says they are doing this to protect the children but all I can see is how this will hurt the child and their family. What about how the child feels when all of his friends his age are getting baptized? What about how the child feels when he can't pass the sacrament or hold callings? What about how the child feels when he is denied the blessing of going to the temple to do baptisms for the dead? Membership in the Church encompasses every part of your life. I was preached to all the time as a teenager that I needed the gospel in my life to make it through those rough years. I was told I needed to go to seminary every morning before school to have that spiritual strength each day. That is why I cannot understand why the church feels that it is best that some children be denied this.

This decision also affects the children of divorced parents where one of the spouses may have entered into a marriage with someone of the same gender. How is that protecting the rights of the parent whose child cannot be baptized because her ex husband is gay? The church says that a upon turning 18 a child can then be baptized if they disavow their parents marriage but seriously think about that for a second...how can we expect an 18 year old who has been denied all these blessing their whole life to actually want to be a part of the church that has outcasted them because of their parents? I can't see many 18 years olds choosing baptism.

2) The church has been doing this with families that practice polygamy for years. Please stop comparing this new policy to polygamy! First off, just because the church has been doing this to polygamist families does not mean that it is right. That's like saying, "Oh, it's okay that I raped this person because I have been doing it for years to this other person." This is also a completely different scenario. What of the children of abusive parents, or alcoholic parents, or a parent that is a murderer? These children are welcomed into the church with open arms unless their parents are gay or they have more than 2 parents.

3) The church doesn't treat LGBT members worse than any other sinners. I am just going to laugh at that one...I don't know who they are trying to fool but they treat LGBT so much harsher than our hetersexual counterparts. (For example...not allowing a gay couples kid to be baptized as opposed to a child whose mother is living with her unwed boyfriend but still allowing her child to be baptized).

Do you want to know how this announcement really made me feel? I am not saying that this is what the church intended from this new policy change but this is how it made me feel: 

I feel almost as if this was a calculated move by the general authorities. More and more people are getting married to the same gender and have their kids go to church. The more that this happens, the more the general population of the church will realize that we are normal and good. They will realize we can still have strong testimonies and be Christlike individuals even if we are gay. The church doesn't want members hearts to change towards gay people because then that might mean they have to change doctrine and that is very hard to do. I feel like it is an attempt to strike now before we gain too much support. I feel like this is trying to make things very black and white: the church wants nothing to do with gays and anyone that supports that way of life. They don't want gays so much that they are willing to potentially deny hundreds or thousands of children the ordinance of baptism and membership in the church. I feel like the church convinces/brainwashes its members to never doubt or question it's leadership or policies as being wrong because it is evil, bad, or of the devil. I feel like this is a specific attack against a specific group of people, where the church is saying, "We don't want you or even your children to be a part of our community." That is disgusting and completely against what Christ taught.

This new policy hurts me. It hurts me because I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet and that The Book of Mormon is true. It hurts me because children are going to be denied blessings that I believe are very real and that I have experienced as a member of the church. It hurts me because if I ever have kids in the future then they would also be denied membership of the church that I would want them raised in. It hurts me because I am trying so hard to stay active at church even with how they feel about someone like me and this now just makes it even harder.

I believe it takes great courage to do what I am doing. I cannot bite my tongue. I cannot try to ignore this. I cannot give up on the idea that I can change people's hearts for the better. I am willing to bet that you have been trained by the church to ignore such blasphemous talk. I remember what it used to feel like to hear hard things like this and I would immediately tune out what was being said to me because doubting was wrong. I invite you to take more of these "hard" ideas to the Lord in prayer. Do your homework and come up with your own conclusion on the subject. Then, ask if that conclusion is correct or not. You should have absolutely nothing to worry about because you should get the exact same answer that the church is teaching you, right? What do you have to lose?

I felt something break inside of me last night when I read the news. This was the last straw. I can no longer support an institution that so blatantly discriminates against a group of people.

I Wish I Would Have Stood Up For Them

I have a confession. I am addicted to something...I am addicted to buying clothes. Since getting home from my mission last year I have had to buy an entire new wardrobe because of my drastic weight loss. The thing is...I am still buying clothes all the time. Yesterday I went to do some shopping at a department store to get my fix of buying pretty new winter clothes (because winter clothes are my absolute favorite). After I tried on a million jackets and sweaters I finally picked a handful to keep and went to check out. There were 2 groups of people in front of me in line. The 2 directly in front of me were both really attractive guys with 2 kids. I, of course, eavesdropped on their conversation and learned they were brothers. Then the group that was in front of them were two hispanic ladies. They had a cart full of baby clothes. One of the ladies was a little heavy set and had comfy looking clothes on. The other one was in high heels and a short skirt that showed off a very fine butt (if I might say so). As I stood there waiting, I started to notice some things about these two ladies. They both had some very manly features about them. They had low voices, one had a 5 o'clock shadow, and the other had very broad shoulders. I would bet my life that these ladies were transgender. I was happy for them that they had each other, that they were buying baby clothes (maybe they were moms!), and that they felt comfortable in their skin.

Those thoughts quickly left my brain as I continued to stare down this guy in front of me in a tank top who obviously worked out a lot. My gaydar was not picking up anything from him though...but hey...it doesn't hurt to enjoy the sight. I get distracted though by the fact that there is only one checkout line open and I see THREE workers standing about 20 feet away staring at these 2 women in front of me. I couldn't believe they would be so rude as to obviously be staring down this transgender couple, whispering to each other, giggling with each other, and not do their jobs. It bothered me slightly but I just stood there and watched as it played out. They finished checking out and left the store. All 3 of the workers then go to the window and watch them walk out.

This has been bothering me for the last day. I feel terrible about myself. I just stood there as these two ladies were being laughed at and stared down. I have no clue about the story these 2 ladies have but my guess is that it has not been an easy life for them. My guess is that things like that happen all the time. I can only assume that worse things have happened to them. What if everywhere I went people saw me and stared, or laughed, or made fun of me. I would hate that!

This is so easy for me to say now and type out but I wish I would have had the courage that day to do something more than just blog about it. I wish I would have walked up to those employees and tell them to get to work and stop staring. I wish I would have walked up to those transgender ladies and tell them they were beautiful. I wish I would have given them a hug and said that they should never give up and keep living their life the way that will make them happy. I wish I would have had courage!

There has been a lot of talk in Houston about a bill that would allow transgender people into the bathroom with the gender they identify as. It would take a lot longer of a blog post for me to share why I believe that voting YES to equal rights is important, but let me share just a couple of thoughts. Simply think of this small experience I had yesterday. Transgender people have to deal with persecution every day of their lives because society is still behind the times. Just imagine what it would be like to be treated like a second class citizen everywhere you go. Transgender people want just a little courtesy from us as to be allowed to go to the bathroom where they feel comfortable. They are not there to sexually assault you or your child. There are there to take a shit without being persecuted for looking like the "wrong" gender. If you don't like the thought of a girl that was born with a penis using the same bathroom as you or visa versa, then think about what it would be like to be in their shoes. They just want to use the bathroom in peace!

Were these ladies at the store being verbally or physically assaulted? No! It is the little things that matter though. I am writing this post to let you know that I promise to stand up for anyone that is being outcasted or shunned because of who they are or who they like. I wish I would have stood up for them!