For my Straight, Faithful, Mormon Friends

Watch: Over the Rainbow by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

With the recent SCOTUS decision I have had a whirlwind of emotions toward the topic. Anyone on social media can agree that I am not alone in those feelings. I have seen nothing but rainbows and pictures of The Family: A Proclamation to the World (which says marriage is only to be between a man and a woman) on Facebook since gay marriage was legalized in all 50 states. I have seen some friends whose dreams have come try with this new law because they can finally marry the person of their dreams that they are in love with. I have also seen a lot of posts about how marriage should only be between a man and a woman. To my great surprise though I haven't seen much hate or judgemental comments. I've heard from other people that there is a lot of hate and arguing going around on Facebook, but either you guys are purposefully blocking my ability to see those posts or most of y'all are not being involved in that (that deserves a high five).

I have tried not to be too vocal about all of these happenings other than a handful of posts to show how excited I was when marriage equality was finally a thing. I don't understand getting angry on social media and debating things. I LOVE to discuss these topics though! I don't want to just ignore things like this. I want to be able to talk about our opinions and respect the opinions of others. I think it brings understanding to be able to see what other people thing and the conclusions they have come to. BUT I would be lying if I said I did not "unfollow" some of my Facebook friends this last week because of hateful comments. There is a difference from discussing and bashing. I hated seeing those bashing comments by some of my "friends" that are supposed to be Christlike. But hey, to each his own, all I had to do was click the button and now I don't see their hate anymore. I didn't have to throw more hate and judgement back at them because that is not what Christ would do. Like I said, if people want to talk then I will...but all this other stuff has to go!

With all that has been posted and said though, I finally felt the need to share my thoughts on the topic. And hey, the cool thing is that I'm not forcing you to read this. I just want to share a few things I want to say to my faithful Mormon friends.

1. Your religious freedoms are not being threatened with this new law. Gay marriage has been legalized in 15 other countries before ours. Many of these countries have Temples and, to be honest, far weaker protections for religious freedom. Guess what, the church has not been forced to perform gay marriages. It's not going to happen! If it were possible then the church knows how to deal with it. They would perform religious, not civil sealings in Temples. They have done this in South America and Europe. It's just simply not a possibility...so get over that.
2. For my second point, I think all this needs is a little advice from my favorite German apostle:
   
3. If you aren't planning on entering a same-sex marriage, don’t experience same-sex attraction, and you aren't being forced to perform one (see #1), consider why you feel the need to share your opinion on this topic. There are a lot of political issues, or things common in society that are rarely ever discussed by Mormons despite being against doctrine. I understand you might feel like you need to be as loud as the voices celebrating the SCOTUS decision. Maybe you hope to keep someone from choosing a path you feel is wrong. Or maybe you feel the need to make sure that people know where you stand. Here is the thing though....I can promise you that as a gay Mormon I know where you stand. Promise. I have sat through the same conference talks, the same lessons on the Proclamation to the World, the same Sunday school discussions. If I know you are straight and Mormon, I am going to assume your beliefs echo the ones I have been taught my whole life. Using the very problematic phrase, I know you hate the sin, but what I don't know is if you love the sinner. Gay people know the church’s stance, and most likely know you support it. What they need to know is whether you support them.
4. Saying you love us, and that you don't mean to offend, isn't enough. So many of the posts that have bothered me the most begin with a phrase like, “I hope all my friends who struggle with same-sex attraction know that I love them.” Let's get things straight here...if the only time you ever talk about homosexuality or LGBT issues is arguing against same-sex marriage then I am going to guess that those friends don’t feel loved by you. I am not saying that you can't affirm the LDS position on marriage and show love to gay saints, I am saying that it is going to take a little more work. Here’s what you can do:
1. Read our stories. If all of your “research” on the question of marriage equality comes from straight men, what is spoken from over the pulpit, and that one article by a gay man who opposes same-sex marriage, then I suggest reading some more. Read stories of hope of faithful same-sex attracted Mormons living the church's commandments in the group, Northstar. Read the heartbreaking letter of a gay Mormon who was excommunicated for marrying the love of his life. Learn from organizations like USGA and Affirmation, about the wonderful diversity of experiences, beliefs, and identities, within the gay Mormon community and the struggles and triumphs they have. And at the VERY LEAST you should go to the church's OFFICIAL website about their stance on gays, mormonsandgays.org. The Internet makes reading these stories so easy. Listen before you talk, learn before you try to teach.
   
2. Educate yourselves on other issues. Believe it or not, marriage equality is not the only goal of the LGBT movement. If you feel like you are unable to support that cause consider others you could. Many states do not protect individuals from discrimination in housing or employment based on their sexuality. This contributes to high rates of homelessness in LGBT youth. Depression and suicide are major problems with queer LDS youth and adults–These are things we can agree on. These are ways you can show your love for same-sex attracted brothers and sisters.
5. Be empathetic. Consider that no matter how long you have thought about this issue, gay Mormons have thought about it more. Think about what matters most to you, an integral part of your identity, your religion maybe, or maybe your family heritage. Now think about a person you love. Consider that maybe how you feel about those things, the people you love and the identity you claim for yourself, is how gay individuals feel about their sexuality and the ones they love. It is not a temptation or an affliction. Being gay has taught me about love and service, it has helped me understand and learn from the struggles of others. It has made me more Christlike and I wouldn't change it for anything. Don’t suggest we won’t feel this way in the next life. Don't call it a struggle. When you do, you are attacking an integral part of a person’s identify. Try and understand that and remember the things you love and care about as you discuss this complicated topic.

Today at church we read the letter that the first presidency sent out to all of the church about their stance on the SCOTUS ruling. I knew it was coming. I had already read the letter that they sent to us online days before. I prepared myself. But I had to leave because every time the church or individuals decide to make sure that we all know where they stand then it is like a knife to the heart for me. Yes, I know the church does not and will never accept marriage between two men or women, (WE KNOW!!!) but it just reminds me that I don't have a place in this church that I have loved my whole life and this church where I gave up two years of my life to spread the things that we teach. The church teaches us over and over that one of the most important things in life is to get sealed to a spouse...this is the Plan of Salvation that the church teaches us about. It can work for everyone except us gays. I will NEVER have a wife or kids. Gay members don't fit into the gospel of Jesus Christ. All the church tells me is what we CANNOT do. "Don't act on your feelings, don't act on your attractions, don't love who you want to love, and don't support people that do decide to act on those feelings." But I want to know what I can do. Why does the church take such a harsh stance against LGBT people? There are countless things that are currently frowned on by the brethren, yet, those of such other acts can easily find solace and compassion within the church. For each sinner, there's a beckoning to stay with the church. For us, our "beckonings" are stanch warnings and screaming "don'ts." Why is it that we are forced to battle for the right to even have our testimonies an faith acknowledged and appreciated? We all fall short, none are flawless, so why are we held to a higher condemnation? Where is the pavilion, for us, that covers all others? I don't want to get through this life just by gritting my teeth and torturing myself. I want a "Plan of Happiness for gay people also." 

So every time you "remind" others of the church's stance on gays, then you are reminding me that I do not belong. It makes me feel like we (gay members) are a problem that the church wishes would just go away. It causes me to question God and why His gospel is set up this way. Sometimes it just hurts me down to the core. I don't want anymore "somewhere's," I want the skies to be blue where I am at right now. 

Sources:   https://byuusga.wordpress.com/2015/07/02/things-i-want-to-tell-my-straight-faithful-mormon-friends-reacting-to-the-scotus-decision/ and sugar cookie.